Bill Gates, founder of Microsoft and worlds most wealthy human, bought the book of Bible in 1999.
“Over a month ago I was sitting in my bedroom next to my extremely beautiful wife, whom I have sex with all the time, and I began thinking to myself, ‘Wow, I have everything a man could ever want. Nice houses, fast cars, a great family, a wife who says I am an animal in the sack. Yeah, these things are all great, but there is one more thing I still haven’t been able to get my filthy rich, dirty little paws on; Omnipotent and universal power. So the very next day I got up after having a quickie with me wife, who says I drive her wild with passion, and bought God. Well not actually God, just his words. So I guess I bought the word of God. Ha!” Gates said.
During the press conference Gates outlined his plans for his new and improved Bible. One of the most noticeable changes will be the substitution of “Bill Gates” for wherever “God” or “Jesus Christ” is mentioned. Some other notable alterations include; the Holy Trinity will be changed to Bill Gates, Microsoft and Windows 2000; Satan will be replaced with Sun Microsystems and that whole “silly” thing about greed being a deadly sin, will be omitted.
“I’d like to take a moment and read to you a passage from my new and improved Bible. Hey, you all know it, feel free to read along. Join me as I present the new John 3:16. ‘For Ga…,’ you all thought I was gonna say didn’t you. Hey I may be filthy stinking rich, but Bill Gates is no dummy. Hey in the second that it took me to read that first part, I made a hundred thousand dollars, how ‘bout that. Anyway, ‘For Bill Gates so loved the world that he gave his only son, Windows 2000, so that everyone who believes in Bill Gates may not perish but may have eternal life and quality Microsoft products every three to five years.’ See, isn’t that much better?” Gates said.
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